The Black Sabbath's Club Ratings:

"This school has a lot of clubs. Fortunately, most of them are harmless, but then you always need to watch out for the ones headed by Ms. Gray, or Mr. Pangeni, or other people who enjoy actually working. Work? This is the Hebrew Academy! That’s the last thing we want to do. That’s why we love groups like Mock Trial or Recycling Club. We get transcript bonuses with zero work! Welcome to the Hebrew Academy! So, I’ve decided to put up a list of all the clubs in the school, with a few details and ratings.

Arabic: We learned how to declare jihad on the school! Rating:    

Key Club: They’re nice and all, but they rig elections, and that’s not cool. Rating: 8.0

Israel Club:  ? Well, they might not have a huge budget or fancy commercials, but they do a mean fight scene. Tarantino would be proud. Rating: 1948

Americlub: Yay patriotism, but squeezing yourself into random commercials is lame, and allying with the Wilk Nation is never a statesman move. Rating: 1776

Future Business Leaders of America: They exist? I’ve never seen their flyers littering campus or heard their name botched over the loudspeaker… Rating: 7-digit salary

Chess Club: If casual matches all over school= club, then this works. Rating: pawn to A6

Fashion Club: Garbage bags? Those guys are almost as ballin’ as Mr. Kalafus! Rating: The Abercrombie moose and the Hollister bird had a baby, and that baby is Jordana Friedman.

Recycling Club: No action out of them, probably scared of Zahler’s littering club. Rating:

Dog Sledding: The most useful club, and the most amusing to watch. Rating: Mush!

Debate: Run by Yaniv, therefore awesome. Rating: 11-teen, subject to rebuttal

Mock Trial:  Totally extraneous, their existence is a fallacy, and whatever you hear Yitzy Fox or Mollie Sussman say is hearsay. Rating: Objection, your honor!

Model U.N: a weekend loose in New York, cooped up in a hotel with a bunch of other Jews all excited about arguing… Sarachek for nerds! Unfortunate side effect of following parliamentary procedure in everyday conversation. Rating: I motion to caucus."